shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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