i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
