she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
