Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
