we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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