i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
