Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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