He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she told me i tasted like america
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
