i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
