No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So squirting runs in the family.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
