I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
