Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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