I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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