I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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