WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
