You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
