I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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