She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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