god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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