I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
