i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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