he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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