Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
