He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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