she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
