Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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