We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize