you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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