that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
