I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
