I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
