man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
