At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize