Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
