So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
