I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
