He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
