and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
