i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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