i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
