Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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