How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
