Michael Bay diarrhea
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We're too hungover to prance.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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