everyone is single if you try hard enough
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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