I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
