Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
