My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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