***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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