I wish I could teleport
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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