I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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