Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
