I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
