I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
