Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
