Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
