Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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