And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize