i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
