I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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