I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Randomize
