woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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