I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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