So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
