He uses pillows to masturbate.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
