Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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