We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
