Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize