Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
