Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
