I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
