If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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