Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
