Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
