we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
