thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
