Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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