a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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