My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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