Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
