Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
