Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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