Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
