I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
