she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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