I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
