if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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