your parents love me but you hate me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
