my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
