Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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