My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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