I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize