my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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