I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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