Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
