Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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