I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
