Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
