burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
