I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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