He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
