He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
