Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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