I think I won the penis lottery.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
