I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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