I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
