I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
