The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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