theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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